dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
