I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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