If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
