I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love having hate sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
