i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
