She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize