Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize