dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
