apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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