Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
