its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
did you just send me my own nude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
