margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
