i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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