I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
