i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
