We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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