Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
