Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
