i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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