Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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