We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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