i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
