and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
