If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
