I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
