i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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