She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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