Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
