Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
