i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize