that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
