This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
