Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
