My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
