i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
