Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
