rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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