i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
