Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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