it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
