Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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