a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
