R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
