Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Success! We fucked roommates!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
