I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
splinters make it hard to masturbate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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