I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
