it wasn't lemon gatorade
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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