the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
