And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
