Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
