It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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