you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
