well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize