and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
