I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
