John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
