if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
