first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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