I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
