Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
