We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently you make a good broom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
