I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
