Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
