what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
