saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
