Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
