i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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