how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
