She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
