My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
