It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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